Only Thing That's True
by medic5
Summary: NOTE: STORY HAS BEEN REWORKED AND REWRITTEN. SAME CONCEPT. Amy left Texas for a year leaving Karma devastated and broken. She comes back with a new look and swagger but Karma has changed as well. Takes place after wedding confession. A lot of angst when Amy returns but could they find each other again and will there be a 2nd chance for both of them? RATED T FOR LANGUAGE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n:**

**Altough I really love this idea of my mine, my first two chapters were lame. I got very few reviews but a good number of followers. That is why i know people are interested with the concept. There are big differences from my initial ideas but it's improved a whole lot. Please re read the new chapter one and give this one a chance. If you don't like it, thank you for reading anyway.**

***This story now takes place a few days after the wedding. (NOT after BUSTED)**

***NOt sure yet if Amy and Liam slept together. But all of a sudden, Amy decides to leave and live with her dad.**

***Amy will return with a new look and personality. But Karma has also changed alot. **

***All original faking it characters do not belong to me. Everyone else does. RATED T FOR LANGUAGE**

***Chase was a character in my first version and i realized that he seems more like Oliver, whom i never liked in the show. He will be reworked into the story but with differences as well.**

***Alot of angst and slow burn but that is what i like. If you dont like slow burns, please give it a chance. I want this to be different. I want this to be the kind of fic that will bring hurt and tears but the same time tug at your hearts during happy moments.**

***Sorry for the mistakes. Feel free to critique my writing.**

***SONG IN THE END IS BY DAMIEN RICE. Called Cannonball. I really love this song.**

"What's going on?" I get to her house and I see Amy and her step-dad loading luggages into the van. Lauren, her step sister is leaning against the door with her arms folded and watching intently at the scene in front of her.

"You shouldn't be here." Amy doesn't stop loading but she she speaks those few words to me. There is a certain coldness about her. Something is really wrong here and I have this feeling that its about to get worse.

"Amy, What's going on? Whose bags are those?" To answer my question, Farrah, her mom comes out the door bawling her eyes out and heads straight into the van without acknowledging me. And I get it. Those luggages belong to Amy, my best friend. I count the luggages and there is too much for a short vacation. I start to panic. My heart is beating out of my chest because I know what is happening here.

"What the fuck is going on AMY! TALK TO ME!" I grab both of her forearms to get her to face me. She refuses to look at me. Her dad has made his way into the driver side of the van. Lauren continues to stand in the doorway but looks away.

"I told you not to come today. You're making this harder than it has to be."

"Are you? Are you leaving?" My eyes start to burn and my lungs fail to work. Amy slowly turns my way and looks me in the eye. And without any emotion she **tells** me the words that I have been dreading to hear.

"I'm..uh..umm I'm going to live with my dad. …In Hawaii." I barely hear her say.

"What? But why so sudden?.. And you weren't planning on telling me.? You don't …you don't even like your dad."

"Karma, my dad has been wanting this for so long and I told you about this a few months ago."

"You said you weren't interested! I don't get it. Why now? Is it because I rejected you?!" I start to sob silently while holding on to her arms.

"Grow up Karma! Not everything is about you! My fucking world doesn't revolve around you! I'm doing this for myself." I am taken aback by the animosity in her voice.

"Amy, I'm sorry for whatever happened to us. I'm sorry for hurting you and for dragging you into my bullshit. I'm sorry I didn't feel the same way about you. And I'm sorry if you think that I picked Liam over you. But I promise I will try harder. I promise I won't ever see Liam again. I promise that I will learn to love you that way. Just please don't leave." I know I sound desperate and that's because I am. I cannot lose her.

I grab her hands and I get on my knees and I beg her with my life because I know that I cannot live without this girl. I may not love her the same way she loves me, but she is my everything.

"I'm sorry too. But I have to go. My flight leaves in a few hours and we still have a long drive." She won't look at me again. She tries to pull me up but like a child, I hold onto her knees for dear life.

"No! please don't go. Please don't leave me!"

"Please let me go Karma! Let me go! Coz I'm letting you go. Be happy with Liam. You got the guy! That's what you wanted all along right! Now this is what I want. Let me go." I let her pull me up and we are now face to face.

"Amy…please." I plead with her one last time and she looks at me. She gives me the most genuine smile, one that she's only ever reserved for me. The tears come out and I know she's been holding them back.

"I will always love you Karma. This isn't your fault. Please know that. There is a world out there bigger than the two of us. If we really are soulmates, we'll find our way back to each other. But for now, please let me go. I need this."

I can't say anything. I am completely and utterly speechless. I have no coherent thought in my brain. Talking has always been one of my strengths before.=There is so many things I want to tell her but words fail me at this point. I want to tell her that I love her and that I'll miss her so much. I want to tell her that I'll miss her weird laughter, her piercing green eyes, and the way she always smells like fresh donuts.. But mostly I really want to tell her that I cannot live without her. That I am nothing without her. But I can't.

All I do is nod to show my understanding and give her one last hug. I give her one bone crushing, breath-stealing, never letting go, kind of hug. Because I don't want to let her go. After a minute of this, she pushes me away and looks me in the eye.

"Goodbye Karma." She quickly enters the van and signals her dad to go. All I could do was watch the van drive away. I didn't try to stop it. Although I did think about jumping in front of it so that I would get injured and they would have had to bring me to the hospital. Amy never looked back. Not even once. And when the van was out of sight, the realization that my best friend was gone, possibly forever, suddenly sank in. My knees buckled from under me and I hit the ground. I sobbed and I sobbed in her front yard. As if on cue and just like in the movies during a climactic and dramatic scene, the rain falls. And it falls hard hiding my tears. I don't know how long I stayed there but all of a sudden, a pair of arms picks me up. Of all people to help me up, Lauren picks me up from the ground. I even forgot that she was there in the first place. I don't hear what she tells me but all I know is that she guides me to her car and drives.I don't care where she takes me and I don't care about anything. There is only one truth. My best friend is gone.

**ONE YEAR THREE MONTHS SIXTEEN DAYS THREE HOURS LATER**

I scanned the crowd in front of me tonight. A lot of them are here to drink, get fucked up, and meet their next conquest. No one gives a fuck about who is performing on stage. I could be Taylor fucking Swift and no one would notice. They're all too busy eye fucking each other. But hell I ain't no Taylor Swift. I'm actually a nobody. No one knows my name here in this semi classy acoustic lounge/bar in Austin not too far from where I live.

Heck no one knows I am only 17 years old. No one knows I am here. Not my parents and most especially not my friends. Not that I even have that many. I continue to scope my audience tonight. If I get a good response, the bar owner might want me back. Well, I actually don't care if the audience appreciates me tonight. I look at them. There's at least fifty people in here. Every one of these people has had their heart broken at one point. And every one of these people has a story to tell. Just like me.

"He..hello. Hi. My…um. Name is Karma. Its my first time to play here tonight. So be nice."

This isn't the first time I've performed but I always get nervous. My hand shakes but of course I try to hide that. Not many people bother turning around to face the stage. Most are still deep in conversation or taking shots at the bar.

"Ughh so I am going to play a song I wrote a year ago. Its about..um…love and hurt…"

"Just sing the damn song already princess!" Laughter follows the rude interruption.

"You might sound better with your shirt off! Whoo Hoo!" Another drunk jerk yells.

"Well fuck it I have the mic so I can say whatever I want. This song use to mean something to me about someone that use to matter to me. The song doesn't really hold much meaning anymore but maybe one day and to someone else, it might mean something.." My little tirade quiets the crowd so I start strumming my guitar.

There is only Amy in my mind as I start singing. After all this time, its still her in my mind.

**_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth_**

**_Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt_**

**_Still a little hard to say what's going on_**

Sometimes when I think of her, her face gets blurry. I guess I thought about her too much that my brain is so sick of images of her. But her eyes. Its still piercing as ever. I can't ever forget about those eyes.

**_Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness_**

**_Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed_**

**_You step a little closer each day_**

**_That I can't say what's going on_**

Its been more than a year and I haven't heard from her. I wrote her countless emails, letters, and text messages but not one, not a single one, received a reply. I gave up eventually. Even I know when I am not wanted.

**_Stones taught me to fly_**

**_Love ‒ it taught me to lie_**

**_Life ‒ it taught me to die_**

**_So it's not hard to fall_**

**_When you float like a cannonball_**

I used to be full of life and laughter. Now I am just an empty shell. I can't even cry anymore. I can't feel anymore. I use to miss her like crazy. Now she's just someone that I used to know.

**_Still a little bit of your song in my ear_**

**_Still a little bit of your words I long to hear_**

**_You step a little closer to me_**

**_So close that I can't see what's going on_**

A few days after she left, Lauren dropped off a box with everything I ever given her and some of my things that I've left at her house. Attached was a a goodbye letter of sorts.

**_Stones taught me to fly_**

**_Love ‒ it taught me to lie_**

**_Life taught me to die_**

**_So it's not hard to fall_**

**_When you float like a cannon_**

I was saddened and I was hurt by her departure. Now I'm just angry. Angry with her and angry with the world.

**_Stones taught me to fly_**

**_Love taught me to cry_**

**_So come on, courage, teach me to be shy_**

**_'Cause it's not hard to fall_**

**_And I don't wanna scare her_**

**_It's not hard to fall_**

**_And I don't wanna lose_**

**_It's not hard to grow_**

**_When you know that you just don't know_**

Most of the audience didn't care about my song or my performance. But some did and gave me a standing ovation and a good applause.

I looked through the crowd and I see these green eyes staring at me. A girl with green eyes and blond hair is staring at me. For a moment, for a single wishful moment, I thought it was Amy. It wasn't.

As I exited the stage, I quickly run to the girl with green eyes and blonde hair. I don't go far because she is waiting for me. I just stare at her for a good few seconds. She wakes me up from my reverie when she stands a little too close and whispers something to my ear. She smells like some expensive perfume and cheap vodka mixed together. Her smell is intoxicating and her eyes are so captivating.

"Hi. My name is Elena." She whispers into my ear and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Im Karma" I have suddenly been reduced to two word responses.

"I know. You're voice, its amazing."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to uh get out of here?" There is a sexy fucking smirk on her face and I am all of a sudden, very turned on. I hesitate and think about it for a few seconds. I don't think long because her eyes convince me. Those piercing green eyes convince me to go home with her.

"Sure, why not." That is all I could say before I am completely captivated by this girl.

**A/N: THOUGHTS? COMMENTS? ANY KIND WILL DO. THANK YOU FOR READING**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

***Faking it Characters are not mine. All others are.**

***Rated T for language and sexual themes.**

***Thanks for all the reviews and follows. I appreciate each one. **

***To Reviewer SilverOFPain, yes Karma is pining and sappy. I am trying to add depth to her character and her feelings. I've always found her so shallow in the show. She will passive aggressive later.**

***To those that miss the first version, thank you for giving this one a shot. I promise it will be better.**

***THis is mostly a short and filler chapter until i figure out how to work Amy back into Karma's life.**

***Liam will still be part of the story no matter how much we hate him. Reagan will be too.**

***I work in retail and its the busiest time of the year so forgive me for not posting fast enough**

"Woah." Blonde hair all strewn all over my chest tangled with my own. What the fuck? My head is pounding and there is a girl sleeping halfway on top of me. From the heat radiating from the other girl, I can tell that we were both naked under the blanket covering both of us. Her head is resting on my chest and all I can see is blonde hair.

"Amy?"

"It's Elena. You were screaming it all night. You've already forgotten?" She tells me while she's at mid yawn. She gets up from her position on top of me and leans against the headboard. She just sits there quietly waiting for me to remember what happened last night. Bits and pieces of what we did is slowly coming back to me making my head hurt even more. I remember my performance at the bar, a frat party, a pool with a lot of half naked girls and guys, a beer pong tournament and a lot of dancing. I remember body shots of tequila off of Elena's stomach. I don't remember what happened between the shots and getting naked in her bed. But I do remember screaming her name, her green eyes full of lust, and quite a few positions we got into.

"Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't forget. I just have this fucking headache." I notice that my throat is also burning and my voice is all raspy. She must have noticed too because that fucking smirk and sexy confidence is back. She lets out a small chuckle.

"Hmmp...Don't sweat it. Its no biggie. I had fun last night and by the sound of your voice, seems like you did too."

"Umm yeah. Of course I did. Don't take this the wrong way but I'm not gay. I don't usually do this. I was just umm….You were just…" She interrupts me before I finish my sentence, which I'm thankful for.

"Yeah sure. I get it. College girls experiment all the time. Let's not make this weird. I saved my number on your phone in case you want to do this again. I am going to take a shower. You're more than welcome to stay but you're also free to go. Either way, I know ill see you again." Elena tells me.

I don't say anything back. I prop myself up with my elbows and watch her movements. This girl is fucking hot and she knows it.

She gets up from the bed and grabs a towel in her dresser but she doesn't wrap it around her. Instead, she struts very slowly to the bathroom making sure I get a good look at her very naked body. I can see scratch marks on her back and a few hickeys on her neck. I'm pretty sure I gave her those. She turns around one last time before closing the door and gives me another smirk. I am so fucking turned on right now. I know she gave me that smirk to mock my declaration of not being gay. I really don't want to deal with that thought so I shove it in the back of my head. Something I've been doing for quite some time now.

I fight the urge to jump in the shower with her and start grabbing my clothes. I see a picture of her and another girl on her desk and I pick it up to get a closer look. Her green eyes are so striking. A quiet voice in my head reminds me that she isn't Amy. The same voice also tells me to get the fuck out of her apartment before I make this any weirder. I gather my clothes and I don't even bother putting my underwear and my shoes on. I quickly shoved those in my purse. I know its gross but I have to get out of here. I make sure that I have my phone and keys before getting my shirt and jeans on. I shut the door quietly and as soon as the door was fully shut, I ran my ass out of her apartment building. I found my car parked not too far from the entrance and I swear I don't even remember driving here. I start the engine and drive off away from the building. When I felt that there was a good enough distance between me and Elena, I find the next gas station and park my car. I needed to stop driving and think for one second.

I am fucking pissed at myself. I bang my already aching head against the steering wheel just to punish myself some more. I hit the steering wheel with my fist a couple more times. I am pissed at myself because this isn't the first time I've gone home and slept with a complete stranger. A complete stranger that is a girl, has blonde hair, and green eyes. The first one was a musician named Sherry. She was the drummer in a band that I stumbled upon one night I was out by myself. We jammed a couple songs together and that's how I started performing in local bars. There was an Alex, a med school student. I think there might have been a Brynn, or a Bree. Last month, there was a Sarah the artist, then a Taylor who claimed that she was a model for Victoria Secret but somehow I doubted it. But I didn't care because she was hot as hell. Then last night, it was Elena. They all have the same blonde hair and green eyes, just like Amy's.

Damn, if I was a serial killer, my victims would be so predictable. I chuckled at the thought of me being a vicious psychopath. I don't regret the sex even though I tell them that I am not gay. Sex with girls is ten times better than with guys. It's the look in their eyes after I tell them that I am not gay. It's the look of rejection after I refuse to give my number. It's the same look that Amy gave me that night. I suddenly regret my actions and guilt takes over once they give me that look. Elena was actually the first to not give me that look but I ran away from her because she might actually make me want to stay.

I am not ashamed of who I am. And I know having sex with girls and liking it actually makes me gay. But right now, I really don't know who I am. I sleep with those girls to feel something and to not be alone. I tell all those girls that I am not gay because I couldn't tell Amy. I couldn't tell her how I really felt that night. I lied to her because I was scared as hell. And if I couldn't be honest with her about who I was and how I really felt, then I can't do it with anyone else. I know I have to forget about Amy. Being with these girls makes forget even just for the night. I know it might seem ironic that they all kind of look like her and yet I use them to forget her. I am all screwed up in the head.

I gather myself then check my phone. I see that its about 11:30 am and there are 3 missed calls from my parents and 10 from Lauren. There are also 9 unread messages.

_From Mom: Hi Honey, I know we said we'd leave you alone with Lauren this Saturday for some bonding time, but I just wanted to tell you that we miss you._

_From Dad: Hi Honey. Just checking in. I heard you fell asleep early._

_From Mom: Karma Ashcroft are you really attending that hypocritical baptist church with Farrah? I taught you better than that.! Call me. _

I feel guilty lying to my parents about my whereabouts although they're very open minded. I just don't feel the need to tell them that I go out to town with a fake id hoping to get laid.

_From Lauren: Where the fuck are you Ashcroft? Why the fuck would you tell them that you are with me?_

_From Lauren: I had told your parents you were so tired from shopping with me that you fell asleep here at 7 PM! THEY KNOW I AM LYING. WHO GOES TO SLEEP AT 7 PM! Call your fucking parents!_

_From Lauren: Hey idiot, call your parents, I told them you are church with Farrah!_

Lauren is a Drama fucking queen. No one forced her to lie for me. Heck no one forced her to be friends with me.

_From Liam: Hey haven't seen you in awhile. Call me. We should hook up tonight._

_From Liam: Little liam misses you!_

_From Liam: Stop pretending you don't miss me._

Ughh. Still a jerk. I delete those quickly. And no I don't miss his little penis. Why would I when I get chicks like Elena. If Liam knew that I get hotter girls than he does, it would kill his ego.

_From Elena: Last night was seriously hot. We should do it again. No strings attached, I promise. See ya._

Sigh…i know it was hot. I'd probably take her up on that offer but not anytime soon. For now, I am going home. My senior year in high school starts tomorrow by the way.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to those who read, reviewed, and followed.**

**Hope you guys are still interested. This is mostly a flashback chapter showing what Karma went through.**

**Strong Language. Faking it is not mine.**

**ONE WEEK AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

I ran to her house. After checking my email and seeing that my 15th one went unanswered, I ran to her house as fast as my legs could take me. Tears clouded my vision but my legs knew exactly where to take me. As soon as I get there. I bang on the door like my life depended on it. Farrah answers the door.

"Karma, sweetie, it's 11:30 PM. Did you walk here all by yourself?"

My breathing is labored and my hands are shaking. My face is covered with sweat and tears.

"Why hasn't she answered my texts or my emails?." Farrah opens her mouth to say something but hesitates. A few seconds later she tries again.

"Sweetie, come inside. You shirt is soaking. You need to calm down. I'll make you some tea."

"This all doesn't make sense. There has to be something wrong. Maybe her dad is keeping her from contacting me."

"Karma that's ridiculous. I don't know what else to tell you. Amy is in good hands. She just needs time."

I chuckle sarcastically at her lame response. Its not good enough for me. I am angry and confused. I need answers.

"A WEEK! SHE'S BEEN GONE FOR A WEEK! AND NOT A FUCKING WORD TO ME! ARE YOU KEEPING HER AWAY FROM ME?" I am taken aback by my own voice. I just cursed and yelled at Farrah. Her patient and caring demeanor suddenly changes.

"Young lady, you watch your language and tone with me. I know your hurting but you cannot talk to me like that. I have already tried to talk some sense into Amy. You think I want my daughter with that poor excuse of a man she calls her father? Do you think I want my daughter thousands of miles away from me? I have tried everything I could to get her to stay. I have apologized for every wrong I have ever done to her. But she says its not me. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she wants to get away from you. Besides me and her father, you are the only other person that can hurt her like this!"

Farrah's face are stained with tears. She looks at me with resentment and blame. I can't help but begin to sob in front of her.

"I know that! I know I hurt her. I really ….I just want to say that I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

For the second week in a row, I sob uncontrollably in front of the Raudenfeld-Cooper residence and had to be driven home by Lauren.

**ONE WEEK AND THREE DAYS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Liam asks me while we were eating lunch three days after I demanded some answers from Farrah. It's been a week and three days since Amy left and Liam has been patient. But I know even he has his limits. He's been trying to help me through this but I can't. I won't allow him.

"Liam can we not please?"

"Its been more than a week Karma, she isn't coming back. But I am here for you. Please don't shut me out."

"Liam, don't. I can't deal with this right now."

"Karma, when….." He was about to say something but someone slams a copy of the student newspaper on top of our table.

And just like the tabloids full of hollywood gossip, the headline states, "ONE HALF OF HESTER'S CUTEST COUPLE, A FRAUD!" an exclusive expose by Vashti Nadir. There is a picture of Amy and I kissing in the courtyard to go along with the headline. Liam reads the article out loud.

"The unexpected departure of our beloved Amy Raudenfeld has certainly left a big gaping whole in our hearts here at Hester. We are left wondering why such an important figure in our Hester community will suddenly transfer out and move thousands of miles away. In this exclusive I will reveal what I found out from a source near and dear to the situation. And we will finally get some answers as to why we were left behind without a single goodbye. Amy will be forever revered as one of Hester's sweetest, most caring, and most honest friend, student, and homecoming queen we have ever had. She rose to Hester Hall of Fame when she and ex-girlfriend Karma Ashcroft decided to make history by proclaiming their love for each other in front of the whole school and winning the first same-sex homecoming queens of any high school history. But the shocking truth was that only Amy was for real when declaring her love for Karma. My sources reveal that Karma Ashcroft pretended to be a lesbian to gain popularity and the attention of Hester's most desirable stud, Liam Booker. Amy, who has been in love with Karma since they met at the tender age of 5, went along with all of Karma's schemes. Soon after homecoming elections, they rose to stardom and became dubbed as Team Karmy, Hester's cutest couple."

"This is all gossip. We shouldn't read this." Liam tries to stop but I signal him to continue. I am too upset to read for myself.

"The lies and deceit will then continue on. Karma obtained what she wanted and poor sweet Amy fell even more in love with her. Karma knew how Amy felt all this time and used this to her advantage. When Amy wanted out, she pleaded and pouted and used her charm to keep Amy playing along with her devious plan. Their relationship takes a turn for the worse after a reported failed threesome. Karma backs out on the last minute only to carry on a secretly affair with Liam behind Amy's back.

My sources continued to reveal that on the night of Amy's mother's wedding, Amy decides pour her heart out to Karma and to attempt to win her heart one last time. Instead, she caught Liam and Karma in the middle of a lustful encounter. It was then that Amy decided that enough was enough and that she could no longer endure such pain caused by her one true love, Karma Ashcroft. Amy soon departed for Hawaii to live with her estranged father and to get away from the pain.

So there you go Hesterians, thanks to my sources, we finally get some answers. To Amy Raudenfeld, we forgive you for riding along with the lies and the deceit. We are sorry that you had to endure such torment in the hands of the person you love most. We wish you well in your next journey and may you find an even greater and more epic love."

Once Liam finishes reading, I feel about 50 pairs of eyes staring at me. The article may be half true but it is also half lies. I feel the tears coming up so I grab my bag. I needed to get out of here. Liam attempts to stop me by grabbing my forearm.

"Karma, where are you going.?"

"Away from here."

"Stop. Please. Calm down."

"You calm down. We both know that the source she's talking about is your fucking best friend Shane."

"I don't think he meant any harm."

"Why are you defending him? This is bullshit Liam and you know it."

He releases me from his tight grip and I walk towards the exit. Just as I turn around, someone slams their blueberry smoothie in my face.

I am shocked and couldn't move for a few seconds. I hear silence then laughter. I hear Liam get up to throw a punch to the person who threw the smoothie. Two of Liam's friends try to stop the fight. My legs finally start moving so I ran as fast as I could. My tears flow but are hidden behind the liquid in my face. Nothing will ever be the same.

**FOUR WEEKS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

Email # 25

Dear Amy,

Do you remember what you said to me after my grandma died? We were only ten years old and I couldn't understand how someone so important to me is suddenly gone?

Do you remember what you said during one of the worse times of my life and when I refused to talk to anyone for two long weeks?

Do you remember what you said to make me feel like everything was going to be okay and that the my world will be alright again?

You said there are people that are only meant to be in your life for a certain time and for a specific purpose. After they have completed their purpose, God takes them back because he needs them to do his other work for him. You said that my grandma's purpose was to teach me how to love and be loved. You said that God took her away because he knew that I have grown into a very loving and caring person. Then I asked you wether you were going to leave me too once you've done your purpose in my life? You said you're the exception because God told you that your purpose was to be with me for the rest our lives! That your purpose was to protect and take care of me forever and always! And that you would die if you left me. So that night, we promised to not let anything ever come between us and that we will never leave each other.

Then why did you break that promise? Why? There aren't many things that I deserve, but I deserve the very least, an answer.I broke you heart that night you told me you loved me. My heart breaks each day that you are gone.

Karma

**ONE MONTH AND FIVE DAYS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

One month and 5 days since she's been gone. School ends in three days and I honesty can't wait for summer. Since the publishing of the article, I have had about 3 cold drinks thrown at my face. Twice, my locker was filled with shaving cream and chocolate syrup. My mom's car has been defaced with the word liar and slut. There has been a life size cardboard cutout of me burned in a trash bin.

I am on my way to the art room where I usually spend my lunch time with Liam away from the hostile crowd. Liam and Lauren have been my only ally through this ordeal.

Before I even open the door, I hear a loud moan escape a girl's mouth. Then I hear a male voice telling her to be quiet.

I suddenly freeze because I know who that male voice belongs to. Then the anger takes over and finally I slam the door open. Both half naked bodies scamper behind the table to find their clothes.

"Karma, its not what you think.!" I ignore Liam and I look directly at girl. I don't know her name but I know she's a senior.

"You! Get the fuck out."

She tries to tell me something but changes her mind.

"Get the fuck out before I break your fucking face. You slut!"

She rushes out of the art room and Liam tries to hug me.

"Don't you fucking touch me you asshole…Fuck you Liam. Fuck you!" I start slamming my fist against his chest.

"Karma I am so sorry. She doesn't mean anything to me."

"I trusted you Liam. How could you do this to me. Especially now more than ever."

"Karma, you haven't been there for me. We haven't even had sex since Amy left. You barely touch or kiss me."

"Well I am sorry but I am still fucking hurting. I can't believe I chose you over her. I chose you because I thought you loved me. I chose you because I thought you had changed for me.

"No Karma, don't put this all on me. You want to know what I really think? You chose me because I was convenient. You chose your feelings for me because it was normal and easy. But deep inside I know that it's been Amy all along. Without a doubt, Karma."

"You don't know what you're talking about Liam." Liam is in tears and I have never seen him so honest. He is saying everything I could never tell myself.

"No you don't know. You don't fucking know. Stop blaming everybody else for your pain because if you only had the damn guts to admit your feelings for Amy, then none of this crap would have happened. The fake relationship wasn't to get popular or to get my attention. It was so you can have Amy without admitting that you're gay. It was so you can be with Amy without the complications of being gay.

I sit down on the couch and I silently cry to myself.

"I am so sorry for everything Karma. I am sorry for all my mistakes. I am sorry she left. But I am most sorry that you couldn't admit you're true feelings for her. You two would have been quite the couple."

He grabs his shirt and walks away. He's right. I have always known what he stated. I have always known that I was in love with Amy.

**THREE MONTHS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

"Ashcroft, please lets go home. You're drunk."

"Cooper.. I am not drunk. I am happy." Lauren is right. I am fucking wasted but hell I am not going home yet. This is too much fun.

"This place reeks of sweat, puke and alcohol. How did you even get a fake id?"

"Shhhhh. They might hear you . I got it from some kid. Bartender, another one of these apple vodka thingys. And one for my friend too."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"You. You can leave me too! That's what everybody's doing you know. First my Gam Gam, then Amy and Liam. Pretty soon my dad too. You know coz he has cancer in his balls. What do you call that again?"

"Prostate."

"Oh yeah that one. So he's going to leave me soon." I take my apple vodka and down it in two gulps. I see a pretty blonde walk by. Remember, I am pretty drunk right now.

"Karma I am sorry to hear that but you can't act like this especially now. And your dad is only at stage 1. The doctors caught it very early. But your dad needs you more than ever."

"Still. I know he will leave me. So I am preparing myself. How come your nice to me? Why are you being nice when everyone has been shiity.?" Lauren looks away and holds her drink.

"So what is it Lauren. Are you in love with me?"

"Hell no Ashcroft. Get over yourself. …..i just know ok. I know what it's like to be left behind. I know what it's like to never know the reason or get answers. My mother left me when I was 7. No note. No goodbye. Never came back for me."

"You miss her?"

"Sometimes. But I barely even remember her anymore."

"Amy's not coming back huh? Just like your mom.?"

"I don't know. But Amy's different. My mom was a bitch. Amy loves you too much."

"Let's go home Cooper. These drinks are making you sappy."

**SIX MONTHS AFTER AMY'S DEPARTURE**

Email # 85

Dear Amy,

It's been six months to this day since you left. I am writing to let you know that this will be my final message to you. I guess you have truly moved on and want nothing to do with me. I understand. I really do. Just know that I will always keep you in my thoughts and in my heart. Part of me will always wait for you to come back. What else am going to do you know? So my dear friend, I never thought I would say this but I am finally letting you go. Thank you for being a huge part of my life. Thank you for all the good times and for being there during the bad ones. Thank you for loving me the way that no one else has.

If you ever see me at the grocery store, please say hello, even if its an awkward one.

Love,

Karma

**Present Day. Senior Year.**

"It's now or never Karma" I tell myself for the third time. I have been sitting here in my car for about 15 minutes. Something in the back of my ahead tells me that I should have really stayed home.

I hate this school. Everything reminds me of Amy. One more school year and I am out of here for good.

The smoothie throwing, the locker and car vandalism, all that stop during my junior year because my parents threatened to reveal the secret ingredient to Principle Penelope's favorite special brownies that they have supplied her for so long. Penelope in turn, threatened to expel anyone who attempted anything with me. The gossip, the eye rolling, and the whispers behind my back also died down but not completely.

So I wasn't surprised when I heard whispers the moment I walked through the doors of Hester high. All eyes are on me today. They don't even bother hiding their gossip and their eye rolls. Some are just staring at me weird.

I walk towards the courtyard and there seems to be a commotion. A group of people has formed in the middle of the courtyard. I find this weird since we all pick up our new schedules at the cafeteria.

Even weirder is that I see Lauren in the middle of it talking to a girl with short jet black hair facing her back towards me.

Lauren must be showing the new girl around. But damn, look at those legs. And that ass is killer in those leather pants.

Lauren finally sees and her eyes grow wide. She looks upset or something. She moves past the new girl who still hasn't turned around. The rest of the crowd takes over interrogating the poor girl.

"Ashcroft, maybe you shouldn't be here right now. Lets get you to class."

"What's going on Cooper. Is that a new girl? She looks hot."

"Ok now. Lets head to class."

"I want to meet her."

"No you don't. Let's go." Lauren manages to turn me around and pushes me towards the building. Then all of a sudden, from behind us, I hear Shane shriek from across the courtyard.

"OMG! AMY RAUDENFELD! IS THAT REALLY YOU!"

The whole world suddenly stops. Like a sling shot, my heart jumps out of my chest at 100 mph. I feel Lauren's grip get tighter.

"What the fuck is he talking about? Lauren? Was that Amy?" Lauren looks like she's about to explode.

And just as I turned, the girl with black hair and leather pant turns around. Piercing green eyes meet my hollow blue ones. Our eyes locked and no one else matters. All is quiet. I cant hear anything and I can't see anyone else.

My breath is literally taken away and suddenly my heart jumps back in place at 100 mph again. We stare at each other for a few more seconds. She ignores Shane and I ignore Lauren.

I couldn't bare anymore of this. So I did what I could. I ran. I ran towards the parking lot and into my car. I drove far away from school. And when I felt like there was enough distance between me and her I park my car.

I cry. I haven't cried for her in about 9 months, since I sent her my final message. I don't know what to feel. Elated that she's back. But scared that she's back.

There's only one thing that's true. Amy's back.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **

***A big thanks to all of you who continue to follow and read this story.**

***The story might seem complicated and I apologize for that. Please let me know in the reviews if you want me to continue. Or a little critique wouldn't hurt as well.**

***So Amy's back and she's sporting short, jet black, choppy hair. And her fashion sense has changed. No more donut shirts and loose pants. More leather and a lot of tight clothes. Think KATE BECKINSALE from the Underworld movies. Again, please let me know in the review section if you like this or not. **

For the second time today, I've been sitting here in my car for about 15 minutes contemplating wether I should go to class.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,...FuckKKKKKKKKKKK!" I pound my steering wheel with my right fist multiple times.

"What the fuck are you doing back here Amy! You weren't suppose to be back!" I bang both fists this time around. I barely noticed my phone vibrating. It's Lauren. I don't let her say a word.

"SCREW YOU COOPER! A FUCKING HEADS UP OR WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE!. SCREW THAT. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE RIGHT THING TO DO.!"

"But I…."

"A PHONE CALL OR A TEXT OR FUCKING MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK, OR A SMOKE FUCKING SIGNAL. ANYTHING WOULD HAVE SUFFICED!"

"Karma, calm…."

"I MUST HAVE LOOK SO STUPID AND SHE PROBABLY THINKS I AM DUMBASS FOR RUNNING AWAY!"

"Karma!."

"THE FUCKING NERVE OF HER TO COME BACK AND NOT SAY A DAMN WORD TO ME. JUST LIKE WHEN SHE LEFT!"

"KARMA FUCKING ASHCROFT. WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"WHAT! What do you have to say Lauren."

"Do you honestly believe that I wouldn't have said anything to you if I knew? After all this time? After sticking with you through this whole ordeal when no one else did? Did you honestly think that I wouldn't have tried to contact you or stop her from going to school today? Don't you think I know how much pain you've been through due to the countless times I had driven 3 hours to a strange and scary bar to pick your drunk ass up? Or the countless times I picked you from the floor when you couldn't stop crying your eyes out? Do you believe that you wouldn't have been the first person that I called to prevent a circus like this morning?"

"But you didn't warn me Lauren. I was caught off guard after preparing myself for year for the slim chance she was to come back."

"I tried. I wanted to call you the moment she barged in my fucking bathroom when I was taking a shit because she thought it would be funny to surprise me. She wouldn't let me. And when I was finally alone, I called you at 11 pm, at 1:00 am, and again at 7:00 and 7:30 AM. But like always, you're phone was off. Believe me, Karma, this is one surprise I wouldn't have brought upon you. Since day one, I have been beside you throughout all of this, why stop now?"

I believe her. I have always known that Lauren has genuinely cared for me since Amy left despite the fact that she will never say that out loud. I've always known that I wouldn't have survived without Lauren regardless of our weird love-hate friendship.

"What am I suppose to do now Cooper? What I am suppose to say to her?"

"First things first, come to class. It's not too late for 3rd period. Second thing, you do what you've been doing the past year. Survive. Just survive one day at a time. And third…ughhhhhh….I haven't figured it out….. but we will."

"Has she asked about me…..at all?"

"Truthfully, no. I did mention that you'll be at school today and all I got was a shoulder shrug so I let it go. That's how I know she's not ready to talk about you or to you."

"She's doing this to punish me."

"I don't know Karma. But she's not the same. It's not only the hair and the outfits that's changed. She's not your Amy anymore so don't be surprised when you get nothing.

"All I got is nothing for more than a year now so I am more than used to it."

By the time I got inside the building, the tardy bell has already rung. Another five minutes passed by when I got to my english class. I opened the door and all eyes are suddenly on me.

"Ms. Ashcroft, first day and already late for class? Its only the third period too. I'd really rather not call your father again."

"Sorry Mr. Monroe, it wont happen again."

"Have seat. If you can find one."

Mr. Monroe turns his back and continues to write on the board as I quickly scan the classroom for an empty seat. They're all staring at me again, just like they did this morning. I struggle to find anything open for a few seconds. Yes! Theres's one more open seat left. I take a few steps towards the seat then I look at the person sitting behind the seat then I freeze.

Shit..shit..shit.. Of the 1000 plus students here at Hester High, it had to be Amy Raudenfeld. Of the forty fucking desks in this stupid english class, the one available seat had to be front of Amy Raudenfeld. I silently curse Lauren for convincing to go to class today. I look around once more just to check if there are any other seats besides that one in front of Amy. To add to my dismay, there is none so I had no choice but to take that one. Our eyes meet for the second time today but only for a split second because I can't help but look away.

BIG BIG MISTAKE…. Because the next thing that I am consciously aware of, is that I am tripping on Jimmy Matthew's purposely outstretched leg and then I am lurching two steps forward.

"Oh Shittttttt…." I yell out of instinct.

My books fly from my hands and lands on the floor with a loud thud. I instinctly raise my arms up to break the fall. The whole class laughs out loud and I hear some high fives. In reality, this takes place under a few seconds. In my world, it happens in very very slow motion.

I shut my eyes tightly so I won't see my face hit the floor but it never does. Because my face suddenly hits something soft breaking my fall, like someone's chest. I feel strong arms being wrapped me. I keep eyes shut for about 10 seconds and when I open them I see nothing but green. Can you guess who those eyes belong too?

And once again, my world suddenly stops. In the most literal sense I can describe, I feel my heart jump out of my chest at a 100 mph. My face is about three inches away from hers. And then again, my heart jumps back into place at 100 mph. My breathe hitches and I slightly open my mouth. In that one single moment, I feel it. I feel something that I haven't felt in a long long time. I feel completion, satisfaction, bliss, and hope. I feel like the stars have aligned and all is right with the world. But also in that one single moment, I feel nausea, disorientation, fear, anxiety and pain.

I've felt it every single time we kissed before when we were faking it. I felt it in the gym when we kissed for the very first time. I felt it during the failed threesome. I felt it when she confessed her love for me at the night of her moms wedding. And every single one of those times, all I could reply was "woah". Then she would say "I know" because that's the only way I can tell her how she made me feel. Because Amy Raudenfeld is the only person that could take my breathe away.

With all my strength, I fight the urge to say "woah". I noticed that I am holding on to her bicep. Scratch that, I'm gripping her bicep like my life depended on it.

"Umm…I uh. I'm sorry." I quickly let go.

I could tell she's trying to stifle a laugh but she fails, so a grin appears on her face. She doesn't say anything and sits back down. She doesn't make sure I am ok. She doesn't help me pick up my books. She continues to grin as someone gives her a pat on the back.

"Ok class, settle down. Please look at your syllabus."

I spend the rest of the class sitting very still. I don't want to give anyone an excuse to embarrass me in front of her again. I imagine her staring at the back of my head wondering what to say to me. I keep replaying our little moment over and over again. I can still smell her perfume. The old Amy would never use perfume. It wasn't girly or flowery. It was more fruity and sporty. If I close my eyes and try really hard, I can actually smell her from where I am sitting. I can still feel my hand on her bicep. I can tell that she's gotten some muscle. Nothing big but toned and strong.

Her outfit is really different from what I'm used to. Tight leather pants, black boots and a dark denim jacket. Underneath that jacket, she's wearing a tight white tank top that accentuated her flat stomach and perfectly round breasts. I cant help but giggle about how I remember her from two years ago, it was the complete opposite. She was flat chested and was still growing out of her baby fat around her tummy.

Her hair is cut short just an inch or two past her ears. Her long blonde locks that I use to play with are gone. Its dyed black and is styled in a sexy mess poking in all different directions.

She's actually wearing eyeliner and mascara, which really surprises me. Amy could never sit still and is deathly afraid of getting her eyes poked. We were both 11 years old when we first tried on eyeliner which landed Amy at the ER because I ended up poking her eyeball. She's been afraid Her eyes. I will always be a sucker for those eyes. I don't know if I just really missed looking into them or they're even greener now. Maybe its all the black that she's wearing, makes it even more piercing. Striking even.

Despite the flood of emotions I'm feeling right now and despite making a fool of myself twice in front of her, I can't help but grin at the thought of how fucking sexy Amy Raudenfeld has gotten. Lauren's right. The goofy, dorky, donut- tshirt-wearing girl I once knew is gone.

I wonder what she thinks of me now? Then I realized what I'm wearing today. Gray joggers and a black hoodie. Of all days for Amy to come back, I just happen to look like I rolled out of bed, skipped the shower, and went straight to school. But then again, I haven't been really putting any effort in my outfits. I haven't been into girly dresses, hoop earrings, and makeup like before. She could have come back last month or next week, I would probably be wearing a similar outfit.

After the longest hour and half of my life, the bell finally rings signaling the end of the period. I let out a breathe of relief and I instantly feel better. It honestly felt like I've been holding in my breath for the past hour. My plan was to get out of there as quickly as possible and avoid Amy throughout the day.

I stand to gather my things but then suddenly my body does something I didn't plan on. I turn around to look at Amy. She looks at me with the same grin on her face from earlier. I try to open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I don't even know why I turned around let alone what to say to her.

She doesn't say anything but gives me a smile which I can't tell if it was genuine. I open my mouth to try again. Nothing comes out. She raises her eyebrows then suddenly….

"YO AMY…You've got to tell me about the babes in Hawaii!"

That was Tommy, Lauren's douchy ex-boyfriend. A group of football players has gathered around Amy and Tommy. Her attention is lost on them so I sigh in defeat and walk away.

"Tommy my man. One word. Bikinis. Every single day."

Though what she's saying would have never come out of the old Amy's mouth, I smile at the sound of her voice. It's the first time today that I actually hear her say something and I've missed that voice.

**A/N: Reviews will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!**


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